


Blindsided

by orphan_account



Series: Preppy Days [2]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - High School, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, implied abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9464090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's not easy being the only gay kid at your school, and even harder when you're a rugby player.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's a past relationship with a character which isn't nice. He alludes to it, but there's no real description of what went on. I just thought I'd let you know in case that would be a problem for you.

_The first time he considered that he might be gay was when he was 13._

He wasn't sure when he knew for sure, which he guessed meant that he'd always known.

He thought at first that he didn't get 'horny' like his older friends from other rugby teams, purely because there weren't any girls at his school. But then the chat started in his own changing rooms, and he wondered if he'd ever be interested in women.

At fourteen, he'd been chosen for the school team to play Scrum Half. His dad was delighted; he'd played himself when he was younger, but hadn't been good enough to play such an important position. The Scrum Half was the pillar of the team, linking the forwards and the backs, and having to make decisions quickly. They often became Captain of the team, which was why he trained for the position; he hoped to study Sports Science eventually, and a team captaincy would make up for his average grades.

Once he reached year 11, he'd expected to be chosen, but that hadn't happened. Giving it a lot of thought, he had three reasons he thought that might be,

Firstly, his dad was a teacher at the school, and he thought his rugby coach might have avoided making him captain so that people didn't accuse him of nepotism.

Secondly, the Hooker of their team was calmer, and therefore better at talking to referees. He had a hot temper, and would often kick off about what he considered an unfair decision.

Finally, and most importantly, he'd come out at the end of year ten.

A less popular student might have encountered more hostility, but he'd done it just before they broke up for the summer holidays, and by the time they returned in September, the fact that He Tian was gay was old news.

–

_The first person who he told he was gay was another rugby player._

As it was the end of term, and as the Stand-off was leaving for a different sixth form college (and he might never see him again) he'd taken the opportunity to confess to him how he felt.

The connection he'd felt wasn't purely on the pitch, and he wanted him to know. Unfortunately, he'd just laughed at him, thinking it was a joke, and then looked horrified when he realised it wasn't. Less than two hours later, it was all around the whole school, and two hours after that school was over for six weeks.

He met his two best friends after school finished in the library as usual. They were sitting together, speaking in hushed tones, even though usually being in the library made no difference to their volume. As he walked up to them, he knew they were discussing him.

'Hey dickheads.'

They looked up, with guilt all over their faces. Yep, definitely talking about him.

Mo Guan Shan was first to speak. 'You ok?'

'I've had better days.'

'Want to talk about it?'

'No point ignoring it.' He sat on a chair facing them, feeling like he was being interviewed. 'Firstly, I should say. The rumours are true. I did ask Ma Sai to go out with me, and he said no.'

They looked at him, and then each other. Jian Yi was first to speak, 'That's not the rumour.'

'Eh?'

The redhead nodded. 'He's right. That's not what Ma Sai said.'

'Well, what the fuck is he saying.'

'That you tried to kiss him.'

'But that's not true! I'd never do that.'

Mo Guan Shan turned to the blonde and said, 'I told you he wouldn't have done that!'

'It's only what I heard!'

He Tian put his head on the desk. He didn't really care about them knowing he was gay, but he didn't want people to think he went around trying to kiss people. He wanted to kiss him, of course, but you couldn't just start kissing someone without their permission.

'I just asked him on a date.'

He suddenly sounded so young. The other two got up, and went round the table to him, both putting a hand on him.

'Everyone will forget the details. Soon, you'll just be that gay rugby player.'

'Excellent.'

–

_The first person who agreed to go out with him was Meng Zhi._

He'd come to him the first day back after the summer, told him that he was also gay, and offered solidarity. He'd come out when he started sixth form, finding that the older, smaller school year was more accepting. He was also at a bit of an advantage being a drama student, rather than a rugby player.

Of course, He Tian had only asked him out as the only other gay person he knew, but he'd still agreed, and been very sweet. Luckily, he was tall enough and looked older than his 15 years, so he spent most Friday evenings hanging around with Zhi and his friends in the only gay pub anyone knew of.

Nothing ever happened between them though. He didn't really fancy him. They held hands, people assumed they were dating, but they didn't kiss. He wasn't sure whether the one year age gap meant Zhi was waiting for him to be ready, when in truth, He Tian just wasn't attracted to him. Being around other gay people was comfortable though, and he was sure of who he was now.

He was still close with his two oldest friends, but this side of their lives wasn't something they really shared with each other. He knew Mo Guan Shan had a girlfriend he would see most weekends, but that was all he knew of her, and he didn't think Jian Yi had any interest in anything other than studying. They didn't really talk about their love lives, what little there was of them. Not that he had much to say.

–

_The first person he kissed was at a club._

When he turned 16, Zhi took him out to the next town over where no one knew them, and they spent the evening at a gay club. They'd stopped pretending they could ever be a couple, and now were just close friends. They chatted on the way there about safety; Zhi was still very aware he was underage for most things, and suggested they had a signal they could both use, just to communicate to each other that they felt safe enough to be left alone.

The anonymity was exciting, and as he danced, he felt arousal. Someone was watching him from the sidelines. 

He was wearing a fitted black top, with light coloured jeans; his platinum hair fell over his face, and his eyes glowed amber, hypnotic. He wasn't dancing, just staring over the top of a drink, right at He Tian.

There were other men who'd watched him, and his confidence was boosted so much he started to feel bolder. He moved towards him as they danced, with his back to him, until there was only about a foot between them. He raised his arms above his head, knowing his back would be exposed a little, and then turned to face him.

The stranger put down the drink, moved forwards, and put his hands on He Tian's hips. They started moving together, and he turned them both around so he could see Zhi. He made the agreed signal behind the stranger's back, and his friend slid off into the crowd.

The other man leant into He Tian, and whispered something into his ear. His breath was ticklish and warm, and his fringe brushed his temple. One hand snaked around his back, clutching his waist, the other moved up his side, coming to rest near his throat.

'I'm going to kiss you.'

'Ok.'

'I wasn't really asking, you know.'

'I still want you to.'

He leant in with force, moving his hand behind He Tian's head and pushing them closer together. He didn't really know what to do, but he thought moving his mouth was a good start. He wrapped his arms around the other man, pulling him inwards with a hand on the back pocket of his jeans. This was seen as encouragement, and a tongue was pushed into his mouth.

He Tian moved his tongue against the other, running the tip along the line of the inside of his lip. There was a sound of appreciation, and he started biting and sucking his bottom lip. Eventually they moved apart, a string of saliva still joining them.

'What's your name?' he asked him breathlessly.

'He Tian. Who are you?'

'She Li.'

–

_The last time he hit someone was just before he turned 17._

His year of dating She Li had been... well, the less said about it the better really. He'd gone off the rails in all honesty; not getting the captaincy had disappointed and angered him, and dating an older man, who could get him alcohol at the clubs, meant his grades had suffered, and he'd nearly lost his place on the team altogether.

He wanted nothing else to do with that whole scene any more. His friendship with Zhi had been strained to the point of collapse, and he desperately wanted to rebuild his old friendships. Jian Yi and Mo Guan Shan had stopped asking a few months before if everything was ok, and had struggled to hide their relief when he came in one Monday and stated simply that it was over.

'Do you mean it this time?'

'Absolutely. I hit him.'

'Bloody hell. It's about time,' said Jian Yi, sounding beside himself with excitement.

'I just want to forget the whole thing really.'

'We won't talk about it, will we Mo?'

'No.' He sensed resentment lingering in Mo Guan Shan's words. He was a fiercely protective friend, and watching the whole thing play out with that bastard hadn't been easy.

'So, I decided where we should go for my birthday. I want to try that new Thai place. Just food and friends. You can bring Shen Kun if you want, and Jian Yi, if there's anyone you want to bring?'

'And who would I be bringing exactly?'

'No one interesting you yet? None of this year's mathletes?'

He shook his head. 'I don't have much spare time anyway.'

'It'll be just the three of us then,' said Mo Guan Shan.

'You're not bringing Shen Kun?' He hadn't spent much time with her, but he wanted to try so hard to be a better friend to them both, he was willing to invite her into their circle.

'No.' There was that tone again. Maybe it hadn't been resentment after all.

'Are you doing anything for Valentine's Day?'

'Leave it,' warned Jian Yi.

'What have I missed?'

'Just leave it!' Neither of them had ever heard Mo Guan Shan shout before. He stood up and stormed out of the library.

–

He eventually found him up in the AV room, sitting on a desk with his legs swinging, playing with the back of his camera.

Hearing the door click, he looked up. 'Should have known it would be you.'

'Well, you did walk off shouting at me. You've never done that before, of course I'd follow you.'

'I'm not going to apologise...'

'No, but I am. I was warned to leave it, and I didn't. I'm sorry.'

Mo Guan Shan sighed. 'We split up, that's all. I'm just a bit sensitive about it.'

He Tian walked over and sat next to him on the desk. 'I'm sorry, ' he said again.

'I'm sorry about you and She Li too.'

'No you're not.'

He laughed. 'No I'm really not.'

'Me neither.'

They sat in comfortable silence for a minute or two, He Tian staring straight ahead at the wall of photographs, Mo Guan Shan still fiddling with his camera.

'I couldn't bear to see you treated like that. It doesn't seem right.'

'I know that now,' he sighed, 'I just didn't know what it was meant to be like.'

'With you both being men you mean?'

'Yeah, exactly. Like, maybe that's how all gay relationships work.'

'But you know that's not true now?'

'I think I realised when my friend got a bloke.'

When Zhi had met someone, and they were still talking to each other, he'd realised something important; he never made his boyfriend do stuff he felt uncomfortable with. He never treated him like an inconvenience one day, or like a trophy the next, all depending on who else was around. Five years was too much of a gap, at least for now.

Things had come to a head when he'd pushed him away while they walked down the street. Some colleagues had been walking towards them, and in his mind, He Tian was too close, they could guess. He understood that; but just the night before he'd been grinding against him, and showing off to his friends about what a cute twink he'd picked up.

They rehashed an old argument, only this time there was more pushing, and he'd fought back. He'd hit him round the face, and was amazed to find She Li let him walk away.

'I didn't know much about it, just the way you were acting. Whatever was happening, you didn't deserve it.'

He Tian looked down at his hands. He didn't want to start crying, but he was close.

'I wouldn't treat you that way.'

He looked up, and found Mo Guan Shan looking at him. 'If you were gay, you mean.'

He shrugged.

'Wait. What are you saying?'

'I'm saying what I'm saying. If you let me date you, I wouldn't treat you badly.'

He stood up, as if that would help him understand what was going on. 'If I _let_ you? I'm completely lost.'

'You've never thought about it?'

'No!' He was offended at the suggestion. 'Gay men aren't just after every man you know. That's such a stereotype. For fuck's sake!'

'I don't think that at all! I was just thinking, we get on really well, maybe we should give it a go?'

He Tian couldn't believe his ears. 'It's not a fucking ice cream flavour! You can't just try it and see what you think!'

'Why the fuck not? That's what I was doing with Shen Kun!'

He walked right up to Mo Guan Shan, and stood right up against his knees. He leant over him, foreheads almost touching. The redhead was unshaken, and stared straight back up.

'What do you mean?'

'I was trying it on for size. I thought it might grow on me.' He shrugged.

'Are you saying you're gay?'

'I don't really know. I think I'd like to see.'

'So you're using me?'

'How is this any different to you asking out Zhi, and then going out with She Li?'

He thought about it, and had to concede, it really wasn't. He'd asked out Zhi, then just hung around him and his friends, and used him to go the night club. He used him to dip his toes into homosexuality, and when he found it pleasant, he'd gone in further, only to be dragged away by the undertow.

'You've got me there,' he admitted. 'So, what? You want me to kiss you?'

'If you like.'

He looked at him. He'd never been so close to him before, despite knowing him for nearly six years. The way he was looking at him was disconcerting; there wasn't a speck of fear there, despite the way he was looming over him, raising his voice.

He grabbed his chin, and tilted his face upwards. He watched his throat move as he gulped. He Tian moved towards him, and got a whiff of something, cucumber, perhaps?

'Are you sure about this?'

Mo Guan Shan closed the distance between them, tilting his head to the side, and parting his lips slightly.

The word 'yes' was lost between them as their mouths met.

After a few seconds, He Tian leaned back. 'How was that?'

'Is that it?'

'Sorry, did you expect fireworks?'

'I meant, that's not a proper kiss. You didn't even open your mouth!'

'Fuck's sake!'

He Tian stepped towards Mo Guan Shan, moving in between his knees. He pulled him into his body with an arm around his waist, and a hand in his red hair.

He tipped him backwards slightly, and began kissing him in earnest, this time opening his mouth and moving it against the other boy's. Mo Guan Shan put his arms up and around his neck.

He felt the tip of a tongue pushing into his mouth, and responded with his own. They moved against each other, and as the kiss deepened, their tongues moved more slowly, more deliberately. They shifted apart, gasping for air. There was a pause as they looked at each other.

'How was that?' He Tian asked.

A smirk began forming. 'Fireworks.'

–

_The first time he realised he was in love with someone was six months later._


End file.
